I recently took a couple trips across the country to visit a friend. During the first visit we did adventurous stuff, vacation stuff, like the Hatch Valley Chile Festival and hiking the desert trail at White Sands National monument. That was fun stuff, but the real fun is the down time in between. Blues Man (BM) and I go back 36 years. This is not my oldest friendship, but other than my wife, it may be my closest relationship. Close relationships don’t just happen. Like most things in life, they are the fruit of intentional labor and/or a blessing from above. As a numbers guy, the random chance that we meet someone is astronomical. Those odds continue to drop when you factor in age, common experiences, location and personal choices that put you in the right place at the right time to meet. I have not always believed God was in control of my life, but at this point of my life, I know his plan for me includes these divine appointments that result in these not so random meetings. What we make of them is up to us.
As I have said before, I am found of analogies and metaphors to make my point in conversation. So let me offer that relationships are like growing a garden. For them to be fruitful you have to spend time and energy in them. Go to your friendship garden and prepare the soil, plant some seed and water. Some relationships stop there and nature take its course. Other relationships take more work: more feeding, more weeding before reaping a harvest. Sometimes you even find out your garden has grown something toxic or worn out the soil. In that case, uprooting the crop may be the right action to take. As dark or dire as that may sound, you would do it as a farmer or gardener and you should do it as a right thinking adult in an unhealthy relationship.
Getting back to my trip. I mentioned that the real fun is found between the events. That is the time were the conversations happen. The catching up, the reminiscing and the retelling of old stories. It is also the time when you when you get to ask questions that matter and share ideas. During one of these downtimes, we realized that success in life whether at work or home is often all about the relationships you have taken the effort to build. Being successful isn’t often about you, as much as it is about being there and knowing which relationships can make up for your shortcomings. That is who you know and how you have built the relationship. That is, you are willing to say you need help (even if you only have to admit it to yourself) and you ask for it. Take yourself off the pedestal.
On the contrary to working relationships, dysfunctionality breeds when relationships are not invested in. Just look at political landscape or families you see in crisis. It is so much easier to be the victim; to finger point, name call or even turn your back and walk away. When you find yourself in an adverse situation ask the gardening question. Am I reaping what I have sowed? What is my part in this? Have I done the work? It is work to talk about the issue, listen to understand and find the best path forward. I have digressed. Families are a special case, because even if you create space, you are still related. We will have to dig in deeper to family ties some other time.
I mentioned at the start of this blog I made two trips out west. The first was a vacation. The second was to support BM while and after he had a medical procedure. Was he reaping or was I sowing? I don’t know and don’t really care. I just like gardening.
Simpleman is out.